Never Getting Laid

Album

Man's Best Friend

Label

Island Records

Genre

Dance-pop

Composer(s)

John Henry Ryan;Amy Rose Allen;Sabrina Annlynn Carpenter

Entered Chart

Sep 13, 2025

Peak Date

Sep 13, 2025

"Never Getting Laid," the seventh track on Sabrina Carpenter's album Man's Best Friend, is a breakup song that is both venomous and magnanimous. The premise is simple enough: Carpenter insists she isn't angry, then promptly wishes her ex a "forever of never getting laid." Over a breezy, lounge-inspired arrangement, she keeps her composure until the emotion bubbles over. Her voice sharpens, her tone cracks, and then, just when you expect a fade-out, she tacks on a Judy Garland–worthy coda: At the end of the rainbow, I hope you find a good whole lot of nothing "Never Getting Laid" began as a classic breakup song, but Carpenter twisted it into a half-sincere blessing, wishing her ex "a lifetime full of happiness," alongside the jabs. "I'm so used to writing bitter songs, but this one felt like being bitter with a lot of sweetness" she told Gayle King on CBS Mornings. "It sounds like a threat, but it's like it's all just said with a wink. It's said with like a pat on the back. I think that is the way that I communicate." Carpenter concludes the song with the declaration: Abstinence is just a state of mind The gag wasn't limited to the track itself. Eagle-eyed fans noticed the phrase "Abstinence is a state of mind" tucked into the "Manchild" video months before the song was even announced – a faux book title that Carpenter throws at one of the men. This sort of Easter egg planting has become one of her calling cards, turning her videos into a kind of lyrical scavenger hunt. As for what inspired the song, the smart money is on Carpenter's high-profile split from Irish actor Barry Keoghan in late 2024. Lyrics about a "mind that could flip like a switch" and a "wandering eye" dovetail neatly with the tabloid chatter about their breakup. Carpenter, for her part, told CBS Mornings: "I write songs about exactly how I feel, so I guess I can't be surprised that people are interested in who and what those songs are about," though she tends to leave just enough ambiguity for listeners to project their own stories. Carpenter co-wrote the song with Amy Allen - her frequent partner-in-snark - and producer John Ryan. "Never Getting Laid" exemplifies the collaborative dynamic between Carpenter and Allen, which resembles a comedic partnership characterized by suggestive lyrics. "Taste" and "Tears" are two of the many other Carpenter and Allen songs that blend sexual innuendo with playful sarcasm. "Never Getting Laid" is Carpenter's first track deliberately split into two distinct musical acts. It begins in a haze of dreamy, retro pop, setting the stage for tongue-in-cheek breakup jabs and sarcastic well-wishes to an ex. Then, at the three-minute mark, the song pivots: Carpenter shifts into a more cinematic register, broadening the lens with mythic imagery and a cooler, more reflective tone. New harmonies and production textures signal the transition, culminating in the wry closer, "abstinence is just a state of mind."

We were so happy, why not mix it up?
I'm so at peace, yeah, I can't drink enough
No way to know just who you're thinking of
I just wish you didn't have a mind

That could flip like a switch
That could wander and drift
To a neighboring bitch
When just the other night
You said you need me, what gives?
How did it come to this?
Boy, I know where you live

Baby, I'm not angry
I love you just the same
I just hope you get agoraphobia some day
And all your days are sunny
From your windowpane
Wish you a lifetime full of happiness
And a forever of never getting laid

I think this schedule could be very nice (Very nice)
Call up the boys and crack a Miller Lite
Watch the fight
Us girls are fun but stressful, am I right?
Am I right?
And you got a right hand anyway (And only yesterday)

Was when we called it quits (Called it quits)
I was so confident (Confident)
'Til the thought of it hit
That any given night you could be using your lips
On a girl with big tits
Boy, I know where you live

Baby, I'm not angry
I love you just the same
I just hope you get agoraphobia some day
And all your days are sunny
From your windowpane
I wish you a lifetime full of happiness
And a forever of never getting laid

Forever
A forever of never getting laid

At the end of the rainbow
I hope you find
A good whole lot of nothing
'Cause you're still inside
And abstinence is just a state of mind